jumbled thoughts.

some days i'm honestly content not having friends. and some days it really bothers me. i sound like a whiney baby, and i probably am. but really. i never leave the house with anyone except jordan, and my mom.
i don't talk to anyone all day. except atty, and jordan, and my mom and my dad.
and sometimes i just get lonely. like today.
i've been a cry baby all day and all i want is someone to talk to.
i want someone to talk to about how i plan on changing my life for the better.
i want someone who will encourage me to keep doing good.
or that i'm doing good. and i'm not failing.
and since i don't have someone to talk to about those things i'll write about it here today.

jordan and i got new scriptures last week.

and yesterday i set myself a goal to read it in 100 days.

and it's really embarrassing to admit that this is the first time i've read the book of mormon since i grew up in the church.

i have set a lot of new goals for  me involving church. 

my ultimate goals right now are to read the book of mormon, have jordan read the book of mormon, and have the missionaries come over and talk to us.

those are for right now. 

i know they might seem a little far fetched. especially since i'm just reading the book of mormon for the first time.  but i know that's what i want. 

i do know the church is true. i really feel it. 

i just want to make sure i'm prepared and i'm doing my best to do better. 

i also bought the miracle of forgiveness the other week, and to be honest, i'm kind of terrified to read it. 

i know i need to, and really do i want to.

but you know that feeling when you know you've done something wrong, and you know you need to do something about it? but your scared? 

and then i know i'll read and know what i need to do even more? 

i know in the long run, everything will work out, and i can do it. 

i just need to be patient. 

and if you read all this, thank you. because i don't think i could have read this whole thing.